November 11

Woah, my eyes look crazy!

 

 

Perplexing Elevator Conversations of Late 'Aught Four:

 

1.

I am standing in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close. A doctor from my floor comes running down the hall, screaming for me to hold the doors. Normally, someone asking me to hold an elevator only makes me push the door close button because I'm kind of a dick, but for whatever reason, I don't this time. I hold the door. A woman gets on. She's a doctor from another department and I've had somewhat unpleasant exchanges with her in the past.

"Ugh. My au pair just called and she locked herself out of my house and she's standing out in the rain with my kids and now I have to drive ALL THE WAY TO WOODBRIDGE** to let her in. Isn't that the rudest thing you've ever heard of anyone doing?!! ALL THE WAY TO WOODBRIDGE!!! And I JUST had my car detailed!"

**Woodbridge is about 5 minutes from my house, and I live about 10 minutes from work. It's also where all the rich fancy doctors live.

She can see that I am noncommittal, but continues:

"When you HIRE someone they're SUPPOSED to remember little things like KEYS!!!! What a PAIN."

2.

I am waiting for the elevator. I am joined by someone else waiting for the elevator. She is a doctor from a totally different department from the woman of anecdote #1, also not from my department. Some background: it's about 9:30am and it's POURING RAIN. The elevator arrives, we both step on. She looks at me. I smile.

"You look like someone who's getting ready to go to the park for lunch! Is that what you're doing? Going to the park? For some nice lunch?"

I glance around the elevator, thinking that someone else maybe snuck on when I wasn't paying attention, but no. She's talking to me.

"It's raining."

"Such a GREAT DAY to go to the park. Okay, here's my floor!! You have fun now!!!!!! Throw a frisbee or something!!! You deserve it***!!"

 

***Whereas it is true, I most certainly deserve a nice day of frisbee chucking in the park, this woman has no idea who I am or where I work or whether or not I am TRULY deserving.

3.

I am waiting for the back elevator, when a hyperactive looking guy stands next to me.

"Hi! How are you? I've never seen you before!? What lab do you work in?"

I reply with a name.

"Oh! I don't know him!! What department!??"

I reply with the department.

"My name's ______. How long have you been in this building? How do you like it? I really figure that I would have noticed you around the building before!!! I like it here!! What are you, a Postdoc? A lab assistant? I'm working in Dr. So and So's lab! On the 6th floor! I like it!"

"Well, I actually don't work IN the lab, I work directly with the doctor."

He pauses. (Note: This is an intensely slow to arrive elevator, it's used for freight and maintenance a lot of the time)

"Wait, so you're a lab manager?"

"No, no. I'm an admin. I work WITH the doctor"

He deflates.

"Why would you ever want to do THAT? I mean, who works WITH doctors? As admins? What does that even MEAN? Like, you answer phones and stuff? Type memos?? Do you make coffee? Do you run errands?? Ugh, I can't IMAGINE doing that!!"

 

 

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